the four right chords can make me cry

Runaway Train :: Soul asylum

Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a slow torch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

CHORUS
Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here no there

Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

Everything is cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it

CHORUS

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin' at the rain
Little out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train never comin' back
Runaway train tearin' up the track
Runaway train burnin' in my veins
Runaway but it always seems the same

Nice classic rock song I heard on radio!

posted by beckyboo @ 5:31 PM 0 comments

This is the best test in the world! It has helped me understand who I truly am, and answers tough existential questions like "who am I? really?" and "what am I doing here?"


You are Fluffy Mackerel Pudding!! You somehow
manage to combine seafood and dessert into your
wonderfully fluffy world. We should all be as
tolerant of New Taste Sensations. And of
big-yolked eggs.


What Weight Watchers recipe card from 1974 are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

posted by beckyboo @ 1:48 AM 0 comments

Update

Life is... neither good nor bad right now. Homework is piling up, don't get me started on the amount of backlog I've got, we could be here till the deadline. (but that isn't very far away apparently). Reading a text for my essay by Harvey Sacks, On doing "being ordinary". And I find that I am doing just that, looking only for the reportable things in my life, which by definition, are also the most mundane things in my life.

Those sorts of things would not explain how it is that you end up seeing that, for example, nothing much happened; that you can come home day after day and, asked what happened, report, without concealing, that nothing happened. And, if you are concealing, what you are concealing, if it were reported, would turn out to be nothing much. And, as it happens with you, so it happens with those you know, And, further, that ventures outside of being ordinary have unknown virtues and unkown costs. That is, if you come home and report what the grass looked like along the freeway; that there were four noticeable shades of green, some of which just appeared yesterday because of the rain, then there may well be some tightening up on the part of your recipient. And if you were to do it routinely, then people might figure that there is something odd about you; that you are pretentious. You might find them jealous of you. You might lose friends. That is to say, you might want to check out the costs of venturing into making your life an epic.

True isnt it?

posted by beckyboo @ 3:48 PM 0 comments

Layers say

Faces:
Sleepy
Sunshine-girl

Heart:
Time to throw in the towel
*shattered*
Can I die in my sleep?

Hormones:
Go away.
I hate you.

Mind:
Its not worth it, you have so many other things to do with your time.
It's always the same problem again and again.
Why bother?

Will:
Fight.

posted by beckyboo @ 4:35 PM 1 comments

More mis-spelling adventures.

Thought something bad happened to my blogger account cos they kept saying user not found. Then i realised that I typed tapicoa instead of tapioca. Wunderbar.

Faith like a child :: Jars of Clay

Dear God
Surround me as I speak
The bridges that I walk across are weak
The frustrations fill the void that I can't solely bear

Dear God
Don't let me fall apart
You've held me close to you
But I have turned away and searched for answers I can't understand

They say
That I can move the mountains
And send them crashing to the sea
They say
That I can walk on water
If I will follow and believe
With faith like a child

Sometimes
When I feel miles away
And my eyes can't see your face
Well I wonder if I've grown to loose the recklessness I walked in the light of you

They say that love can heal the broken
They say that hope can make you see
They say that faith can find a saviour
If you would follow and believe
With faith like a child

posted by beckyboo @ 4:31 PM 2 comments

ublues! I liiikeee...

Tragedy! Trevor Jalla is leaving for Australia, indefinitely! (Trevor's the goofy looking one in the hat) NOOO!!! I LOVE Trevor Jalla! I ADORE Trevor Jalla! I was once less than 50cm away from Trevor Jalla but I didnt have the guts to shake his hand!!!! Regret! =( TREVOR JALLA!!! *wail*

Sigh, life seems to be spinning out of my control lately. I feel a strange mix of desperation, indifference and restlessness. I can't get any work done. Even though I like Dr Don so much, I still can't hand in his homework on time, can't even get round to doing it. He doesnt scold me, he's incredibly nice, but I beat myself up for it. It's really like that passage that maine read at CF, Romans 7:15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.

I just want someone to listen to me, I find so often that i'm talking halfway and realise that no one is really listening to me. Usually i'm ok with that, but not today. Today I want to feel like somebody cares. I want to whine and complain and cry and go on and on endlessly about me, my day, my week, what I did, to someone who doesnt judge or criticise me. I want someone to listen to my life and not think about it as trivial and stupid. I want someone to listen to me the way I always listen to other people. You know you're taught from young that you should be to others what you want them to be to you? but that's not true with listening. The more you are a quiet person and listen to others, the more they see you as someone with nothing to say, the more they talk, the less you talk. I'm always ok with that! Cos usually I really do have nothing to say. but not today. just not today.

If I have a dream tonight, I hope it goes like this:

Trevor Jalla comes to my room, gently wakes me up and tells me, "Becky, hey girl, guess what? I'm not going to Australia anymore! And here's an autographed CD and poster just for you. And now I'm gonna sit here for half an hour just to talk to you and after that I'll sing all your favourite songs. How was your day?"

Laugh at me if you wish. But right now, thats what I really want.

posted by beckyboo @ 1:20 AM 1 comments

Paying the Price for Prior PLaziness (PPPP)

posted by beckyboo @ 4:07 AM 0 comments

www.tq.com.sg

posted by beckyboo @ 4:01 AM 0 comments

I am damn talented.

I rememmber having this convursation once wit mandy aboat our talents, and we came to de conclucion that my talen is: Mis-spelling. That's right, spelling tings rwongly. The opposeitie of that Spellling Bee champiognship movie thingee. But my kurious talente has uncoverd a great mistery. Try typing my blog addrass but spill "blogspot" as "blogpsot". Kewl eh?

I think blogpots is quite a nince name.

nd now tri doing tht with ani blogspot adress! I tired many other pemutations cand combinastions but this is de onli wan that werks. Sum jus gif you alot of popups so i dun suggesz u try it.

I wander where my talent will take me tomorow!!!!

ps. do you finally understand how IRRINOYING netspeak is?!?!? at least I didnt do tHiS ok!

posted by beckyboo @ 5:32 PM 3 comments

My favourite prof!

Dr Don Favareau is a recent graduate of the University of California Los Angeles' Program in Culture, Brain and Development.

Holding degrees both in Philosophy and in Applied Linguistics, Don's early collaborations with the members of the UCLA Brain Mapping Center investigating the possible neurobiological substrate of intersubjectivity led to his current involvement in the emerging interdiscipline of biosemiotics, which is the study sign processes and their role in biological organization.

Joining USP as a member of the Writing and Critical Thinking faculty, Don is delighted to have the opportunity to introduce NUS students to the challenges and rewards of interdisciplinary study, and is currently teaching a module entitled "Multidisciplinary Perspectives on Mind."

got photo here http://www.scholars.nus.edu.sg/ebulletin/issue32/issue32.html

Warning: Incoming huge chunk of ranty text

Had a fun time today with the PTA people. Thai lesson in the morning was sanuk, dii maak! Theatre workshop was not bad, learning to loosen up a little. Much more comfortable with the group now, and I like everybody (very me to do that, I always like everybody, but of course there are a few notable exceptions but not in the thai group so far). Then we had a meeting... and honestly, by then I was starting to zone out, just had a very tedious meeting the night before and was in no mood for yet another one. But it had to be done. After that went out with Anne, Godwin, Yingkit, Soonkit and Jacky for dinner. I like Anne!!! She's really like a sister to me, or maybe it was cos there was only us two girls so we always gang up and bully Godwin =P They call me their sunshine girl (haha i wonder what they would think enai is then if they met her, super-sunshine girl?), and they said if I were an animal I'd be a sheep(Godwin) or lamb(Anne). Sorry to steal your identity lambie! Ate at sushi tei, and cos I was trying to not spend too much, I drank ALOT of green tea rather than keep taking things off the conveyor belt. We stayed SO long there that we all ended up drinking a heckuva lot of tea anyway. I had easily more than 10 cups. Sialah, the bill came up to $120 leh! but my portion was only $10, so you can imagine how much the others ordered. After that they went to The Living Room to chill out for a while. It was great, felt really comfortable with all of them, though I hardly talked and was rather stoned at many points. Yingkit is really amusing, keeps going on and on and on about China! And he's so kancheong about getting food off the conveyor belt! haha... But i wont join them next week; next week and every week thereafter i'm gonna be back where I should be, at BAY. Would have gone for the YAY today, cos I think it would have been good for me and I could be a bridge, but the meeting today was important. oh well, at least I had fun today =)

posted by beckyboo @ 1:00 AM 0 comments

The rift for this song has been looping in my head all day. Heard on darryl's cd. Really like it, it's got this dreamy, drugged out quality that I havent heard since the Beatles. Really like the tone of the guitar and the stoned-but-whiny voice of his.

Prototype :: OutKast

[Intro]
I hope that you're the one
If not, you are the prototype
We'll tiptoe to the sun
And do thangs I know you like

[Hook]
I think I'm in love again [repeat]

[Verse 1]
Today must be my lucky day
Baby, you are the prototype
Do sumn' outta the ordinary
Like catch a manitee
Baby you are the prototype
I think I'm..

[Hook]

[Verse 2]
If we happen to part
Lord knows I don't want that
But hey, we can't be mad at God
We met today for a reason
I think I'm on the right track now

[Hook]

The Scene
Come here

[Hook]

[Outro (ad libs)]
Girl, right now I wanna say, I wanna say
I wanna say stank you very much
For picking me up
And bringing me back to this world
I can't, I'm not
I can't afford to not record
I thank I wanna say
I thank I wanna say stank you, stank you
Smelly much!
For picking me up and bringing me back to this world
Hey, hey John! Are we recording our ad libs?
Really?? Were we recording just then?
Let me hear that, that first one
When I first started

______________________________________________________

...

All I can say in response to that is: "No one ran for elections."

posted by beckyboo @ 1:45 AM 0 comments

SO unproductive!

Hai, don't know what's wrong with me this week, just havent been able to do anything constructive. Good thing its a slack week and there isn't much to do anyway. I think I only work well under duress. Nono, I only work under duress, no "well".

Duress (www.oed.com)
1. Hardness; roughness, violence, severity; hardiness of endurance, resistance, etc.; firmness.
2. Harsh or severe treatment, infliction of hardship; oppression, cruelty; harm, injury; affliction.
3. Forcible restraint or restriction; confinement, imprisonment. b. Harshness or strictness of confinement (cf. senses 1 and 2).
4. Constraint, compulsion; spec. in Law, Constraint illegally exercised to force a person to perform some act. Such compulsion may be by actual imprisonment, by threat of imprisonment or of loss of life or limb, or by physical violence. A deed or contract made under duress is voidable on a plea of duress at a subsequent trial.

Somebody threaten me.

On another note, no more TKD till next year! =( Said my goodbyes to Tian shun & Mrs Lee at the end of the class. Mrs Lee is the nicest aunty I know! Oh and I found out that sonny's son is actually from my year AJ. Yet another example of how Singapore is just too small. HAI. I will miss them. Everywhere I go I send some roots into the ground and I get very attached to the people around me. So leaving is always painful. Thought about that as I was walking home and I realised that I missed another Ben too, my manager at the restaurant. And Jean and aisha and abang and adam and baya and annie and zhenhong and pi-na and all the other thai chefs. But I might never see them again, cos the staff has turned over already. Adam i see around and talk to cos I'm supposed to be doing some writing for NUSSU, but annie and zhenhong I've not seen around even once. Got home and took out my yearbook to see if I could find sonny's son. Instead overcome by nostalgia. I miss my JC days so much! Mandy was just telling me how BB fiona was dissing AJ etc. (haha! guess what BB stands for!) But I dunno, I really enjoyed JC. I wasnt with the cool crowd with the happening parties and funky clothes. I wasnt super involved like the council people who knew everyone around. But I liked JC so much, I liked my class so much. I miss them and the basketball we used to play, eating during lectures, the guys playing scrabble in the canteen, those endless hours of studying together, the way fadzli could make me laugh, the way sven told stories, the rare class outings (can you remember the very first one? We went to eat AJ ice and robert was actually there! I even miss panda...), our small but close econs class in that small LT (was it LT 5? I forget...), jiaquan vs rachel, the happy tree friends craze, playing netball, the even smaller bio s paper class (me keat neisha), running running running during PE, and even how jikun used to call me small eyes or cow. SIGH. I could go on forever (and you know it).

posted by beckyboo @ 9:33 AM 0 comments

A week ago

That taxi driver was so spot on. How on earth did he know precisely what was going on in my mind? Don't mess around with taxi drivers I tell you.

The difference...

... is stark. But I am the same in either setting.

Keat is right

Somewhere along the way, I got tired of guessing, second guessing, wondering, worrying, trying to fit in into this hall and this school. If all you do is going to make you miserable anyway, just enjoy it I guess. And when you get tired of being miserable, all that's left is to be happy!

The end

Tmr will be my last TKD session. I have decided. Have stopped giving tuition as well, need an alternative source of income now. Need to save up for my trip to thailand. Will miss Bruce Lee, sonny, joy & terrence, tian shun, melissa, pearl and cute six year old boy with long eyelashes who already has a blue belt (just found out that his name is Gavin).

I love Derrick, Ben and Jerry

Daddy buys me ice-cream for staying up to open the gate for him. =P Brownie and chunky monkey. I polish off the equivalent of one tub as well as a largish chicken pie from Delifrance. Benben, Lamby, Shyen, BenjaminChinFookChuan and Jerry: Not referring to you hor! Don't BHB. but that having been said, I do miss you guys. Alot.
Daddy has been working insane hours these past few days. He got home a while ago, went out with me and mum for prata, is sleeping now, but I will have to wake him up again soon cos he has to go back to work. Poor dad.

Webcams are fun

Seeing enai over webcam when serene stayed over was sanuk. Decieving hozea's whiny army friend was even funner. *grin*

So long and thanks for all the fish

Dinner on saturday was great fun eh? Food was good, ambience was good, but it was the fellowship that made it special. Thanks Serene and Hazel, really turned my saturday around.
Sorry the postings are in such short bursts, a little out of practice. But for now, so long, and thanks for all the fish.

posted by beckyboo @ 1:23 AM 0 comments